Assalamualaikum.
Now, I'm writing without any plan or ideas. What topic will I write now? No topics. Why? Okay guys.
Right now, yes now. I can smell my late grandpa's scent(like his own smell or his fav perfume). It's totally insane. It's giving me goosebumps!!! It has been 6 years he left us. After he left us in 2009, I never dream of him like my mom always had or else. This is the first time, after 6 years. Ya Allah, what should I do. I'm staring at this laptop now and typing to overcome my fears(?????).
Huaaaa, if you're really here now Tok, I want to say that i miss you so much. I can't talk to myself so I'll talk in my heart and write here. Tok, you knew you're my best person in the world. Why you left me so early? I was 12 y/o, I wasn't matured at all and it was before my UPSR's result. Do you remember that you want me to get an A for math? I've got it! I was so happy back then even though I didn't get straight A's, I want to show you the result but you weren't there.. You were the Master of Mathematics. You were the one who finished my homeworks. I wasn't lazy but you were so kind to finish it. But yr princess did her best until SPM okay Tok. I've got yr math's power~ Again, something that you should proud of me, say "tahniah, cucu Tok pandai", I can't hear it anymore.
Your death made me lose the most precious thing in the world. I heard what Abang asked mami that night, "why he leave us?" he cried. As a kid, as a unmatured person, it made me think; Why would you leave us? Is it necessary to do that? You don't love us anymore? Are you coming back tomorrow? I'm dreaming now, you're still alive right? Our new house, your room is almost ready and you're going to stay with us right? You're still alive because at the mosque when I kissed you, you were smilling!
"No. Tok won't come back." that was in my mind and it's true, you won't come back. But you appeared in mami's dream, everyone smelled that you came but I don't. Finally, you're now with me, in this room. I want to hug you like I usually do. I want to grow up with you. I want to eat everyday with you. I want to watch movies and dramas with you. We used to watch Mandarin, Sinetron, Tagalog, Gerak Khas a lot but now, I watches Mandarin, Korean dramas/movies by myself. I want to see yr magic tricks, the one that you pulled yr teeth then reinsert back (actually you remove yr dentures). I miss you a lot. Words cannot describe it. I can't express my feelings now, what's in my mind now.
The first thing I want to do when I got my license is to meet you. But I'm afraid to go there alone. Tok, you know that mami, maktok, kakak, adik and I always meet you on Friday right. But I want to meet you alone. I want to talk with you. Insyaallah, soon okay Tok, I promise.
Even though I can't see you anymore, I knew that you can understand me. Tok, my life is getting harder. I have no one to talk to, wouldn't it be nice if you're with me all the time? Redha. Tok's supporting me from behind, I'll think like that. I can solve these problems right Tok? Because I'm your strongest granddaughter. Everytime I have problems, I will tell you just like what I did before this. Sat in the room quietly then cried a lot while calling you hee~ Thank you so much for visiting me. Please come back. Do pray for your princess's future. You're coming to see if I'm doing well or not? No worries. I can handle it. I love you.
p/s; if you're reading this, do recite Al-Fatihah to arwah. thank you.
